Forgiveness, trust, love. Some of the most important decisions any human can make. They are sometimes treated like emotions which are difficult to control. In reality though, they are choices. It is those three choices on which all of our relationships hinge. What a terrible feeling it is then, to have violated that trust. For the relationship to continue and thrive we must get past that violation. But how?
First, an honest decision must be made about whether the relationship continues or not. Some of those cases are easier than others. A 20 year marriage is a lot harder to leave than a six month relationship. Assuming that we want to continue, the first step is to make a conscious decision to forgive and attempt to let go of the mistake. That is not to say to forget about it or to pretend that it didn't happen. It does mean that the deception does not need to be obsessed over.
Christ tells us not to forgive our trespassers seven times a day but rather 70X7 times. Seems like an awfully lofty goal but that is what our Lord tells us. Complete trust takes time to be built but forgiveness can happen in an instant. Trust is the foundation that everything else on the relationship is based on. Without it the interaction feels hollow. With it we are allowed true closeness, connections, fellowship and intimacy.
Where do we even start in an attempt to rebuild that trust though? Regardless of the violation transparency is a must. Repentance can be a tricky thing. For the repenter it is a very personal, private decision. That makes it tough to prove because the change happens in the heart and mind and can take some time to have that fruit ripen. As the offender we say "Why can't you see the progress?" As the victim we say "I need proof; not words." Only when we are truly repentant are we comfortable enough to let others see who we are. It is when we haven't dealt with those issues that makes us want to hide, close off, or shut out. It's simple survival mode; not wanting someone else to see that we are flawed and exactly how badly. That doing something we don't want, that discomfort, is exactly why we need it. Revealing EVERYTHING shows a willingness to do things we don't like in an effort to move on and grow. With that it's important to make attempts over time to allow each other a chance to prove themselves. A small amount of responsibility, handled correctly, shows that we may be able to be trusted with more.
http://bible.cc/luke/16-10.htm
Sometimes love is such a difficult thing to describe. There are so many kinds and levels and intensities. Paul tells us what it should be. Love is patient, kind, protecting and trusting. Love is not jealous, haughty, proud or self seeking. The love that Father has for us and that we should have for each other rejoices in truth, perseveres and never fails. I have fallen so short of that so many times it is difficult to remember. Knowing the verse is easier than living it because in order to do so we feel like we must make ourselves completely vulnerable and asking for the pain again. I am hopeful that my vulnerability only makes me stronger. It is not possible to believe all people all the time. Thankfully, I don't have to. I can instead trust that Father will guide me when I seek Him, that He only wants the best for me, to have it abundantly and that He can not and will not lie. I know that when two people in any kind of relationship seek Him whole heartedly they will come to the same answer, the same solution, the same God.
Paul's descriptoin of love.
What does your God want to give you?
What do you want in YOUR life??
Actually..... God CAN'T do everything.
That chapter in 1 Corinthians about love is wonderful. Poet Helen Steiner Rice took many of the things from Paul's writing and wrote the most perfect description of love I've ever seen. But even that chapter, or this poem, are only words. When we are rebuilding trust our life has to be honest. Honesty is more than just telling the truth. Honesty is the lack of intent to deceive. The first thing that needs change is our words but people will not believe those until our actions line up with them. After we have been deceitful our words no longer carry weight. But our actions, our fruit, is undeniable.
Blessings!
What Is Love
(by Helen Steiner Rice)
What is love? A passing attraction
no words can define it-- that is seldom much more
It's something so great Than a mere interlude
only God could design it. or inflamed fascination,
Wonder of wonders, A romantic fling
beyond man's conception, of no lasting duration.
And only in God But love is enduring
can love find true perfection. and patient and kind,
For love means much more It judges all things
than small words can express, with the hearth, not mind,
For what man calls love For love is unselfish-
is so very much less giving more than it takes--
Than the beauty and depth And no matter what happens,
and the true richness of love never forsakes.
God's gift to mankind-- It's faithful and trusting
His compassionate love. and always believing,
For love has become Guileless and honest
a word that's misused, and never deceiving.
Perverted, distorted, Yes, love is beyond
and often abused what man can define,
To speak of light romance For love is immortal
or some affinity for and God's gift is divine.
